epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
There's a pending birth in my family, so my mom is postponing the shopping trip until later this week or possibly next week. I didn't really mind this, but today was a perfect day to go shopping. The sun was warm and the breeze was cool, but not cold. The grass smelled sweet. Critters, big and small, were up and about. It's supposed to be hotter this week.

My entries finished importing this morning or yesterday night. Thinking about shutting down my LJ for good. Nothing like a little bit of closure.

Oh! Today I realized that all of my foundations are past their expiration except the one I bought on a whim that makes me look like an Oompaloompa. I tried powder tamp it down a notch. That did not work whatsoever.

Watching a Criminal Minds marathon on ION. They are showing season 1 episodes. Everyone look so young. :)

Never wrote out a fanfic in my head, but I'm close to now. Time to open Mindapp and get to mapping.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
Going shopping with my mom tomorrow. I have to get up early, though. 5:30 am is my get up time. Shower tonight. Wash my face / brush my teeth in the morning. Then quickly put on my makeup for the day.

I'm nervous about the results of my Bantu Knot Out tomorrow morning. It was a semi-rush job, and I used Blue Magic Hair Conditioner (grease). It looks shiny while still in the knot, but looks are deceiving.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
My first online diary was Opendiary. I was introduced to it by a schoolmate back in 2000. I was sixteen at a new school with a cool Librarian who was okay with us blogging during our lunch period. Then when I went off to college, I joined Livejournal because a few of my friends were on the site. I joined a few communities aka lurked in a few communities. Anime was silly and fun.

I didn't really post much into my Livejournal. Not like my Opendiary account. Then a few years ago, Opendiary unexpectedly shutdown. My crazy teen years were gone in a shutdown of a server. Still that experience didn't light a fire under my butt to save and/or export my Livejournal. It didn't have that many entries in it compared to my Opendiary (a bit over 350), but it did document my early to mid twenties well.

Then I saw a post on Gizmodo by chance yesterday. I knew that it was ran by a Russian company, but the servers were stateside. Normally I wouldn't care that much where the servers are stored, but I didn't want to take a chance. The Russian users have more to worry about "political solicitation" than I do.

Right now I have a Tumblr. It's fine for those who want to blog links to articles, pictures, and other media, but it's just not the same. Reading anything longer than a paragraph is unappealing with the current design of the site.

Maybe I'll keep up with this Dreamwidth more than my Tumblr. Only the future knows.

Media

Sep. 19th, 2016 05:23 pm
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
I know it's the 20th  anniversary of Jonbenet Ramsey's murder, but the special and the advertisements for Dr. Phil's show with her brother is too much. It seems too made for entertainment. That's why I stopped watching Investigative Discovery. Forensic Files gets a pass because the forensics is the focus and not making the crime the entertainment.

The special on the little girl's death have experts offering new clues and insights - that's what they advertised on TV- is going to air tonight. I have a feeling that it's going to be vague theories that have been floating around for years. If there were new evidence, I'm pretty sure that there would have been a news article or something on the news cast. It's weird that people are making money off of someone's death.

Just needed to get that off back and onto the internet.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
(Fantasy story)Another idea is for a random dude becomes conscripted by his liege into a large war. Many of the knights boast of conquest and glory. But the dude knows that he is the fodder/cushion between the knights and those they are fighting. He knows for sure that he's going to die on the battlefield. He promises his wife that he will return, to give her hope that he doesn't have. However, she's not stupid but of average intelligence and knows that there's a slim chance of him surving and returning back to him. One of her friends, who is part of the scullery staff at the palace told her that it's a vanity war. It's for nothing but prestige and not to protect the nation from invaders. The knights are not challenged by regular tournements and were getting restless. So the king came up with this solution along with a king of a neighboring nation who was facing similar problems.

Well the new wife to the poor man who was conscripted, decides to plan for a way for the man to get back home. She believes that she could sneak him away without him being noticed easily. Then one of her neighbors finds out that she's leaving and overheard her plans. The widow's son is also in that army and he's a teen, barely a man yet. The new wife feels sorry for her and includes her son. The women end up getting many more volunteering with this plan to the point that the majority of the peasantry wanting their sons, husbands, brothers, and friends back.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Chelsea Miles is at an awkward junction in her life where the lines between young adult and adult adult are blurred. She works full time in as a barista in a new coffee shop with an owner still in flux over branding the place. Is it going to the new trendy place or a local jewel for those big city dwellers with family? Despite of the owners attempts, it becomes popular for being an eclectic mishmash for all city dwellers.

Chelsea also studies full time at the local community college for human resources which isn't her passion, but she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. To add another heap of stress on her are from her parents who she rents the basement from. They bring up how she's midway through her twenties and need think about her longterm family plans. They try to hook them up with nice enough sons of their friends and coworkers who just "pop" up when she is asked to do something for her parents. She tells them that she doesn't have time to think about dating even though she avoids the dating scene because she is afraid of intimacy.

The only way she unwinds and socialize is through her favorite online game where she and her friends from her first attempt at college get together and play. One day someone let their friend into the clan, and they hit it off. Then the guy asks her out and she says yes before the anxious part of her takes over.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Was really anxious today with no external cause (that I'm aware of yet). CK2 rolled out a free patch to go along with the paid DLC today. It's on my list of DLC that I want to pick up for the game. Next time I have some free cash and there's a steam sale, I'm getting it. So far on my CK2 DLC wishlist is Old Gods, Way of Life, Conclave, and all the portrait packs to make everyone look more painting realistic. Funny how it seemed like there were a million and one DLCs on my list in my mind. It's a compact list compared to what I thought it'd be.

Writing is taking another direction. Long fantasy or a short story mystery? I'll probably make up my mind in the shower.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Mixed bag of emotions today. On the one hand, I was able to draw away my anxiety. Thanks to finding the pen that went with my Bamboo tablet that I picked up a couple of years ago. Found this graphics program (really a sketching program) called Krita. Practicing the front profile for now. (Not in a realistic style, but cartoony.) People mention that it bugs out for them (Krita), but it hasn't done it to me yet. Let's hope I didn't jinx myself. Also started writing a new story today.

On the other hand, my room is a mess. My hair is a mess. Pretty sure that my body is a mess, too. Fuck you wiring in my brain that give me the wrong messages. Either way, tomorrow is going to clean up day.

Now I can watch the new Venture Bros episode in peace.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Came on here to vent about a couple of things when LJ alerted that there was a saved draft. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what I was writing or going to write. This and an mobile journal app is where I talk about my day to day. To my surprise it was about downloading Plume Writer which was sometime in late September or October. I'm going to use it for a short story collection though. Horror and suspense.

Had an anxiety dream yesterday. I was back in high school even though I don't need to be. Very strange. Couldn't remember where any of my lockers were. (Every student is given a two lockers. One that's default and one standard.) Anyway after school, I had three dollars in my pocket. Somehow I knew it wasn't going to be enough to take the subway or bus. That's when I decide to hoof it home. First I get lost in the area from around the school. It's a mixture of where my real life elementary school and high school so the maps of both real places overlapped. I was so disoriented until I saw someone and was chatting with him. Want to say it was the actor who plays Tyrell Wellick on Mr. Robot. He didn't get what I was trying to tell him, but we saw someone further down the street who pulled out a gun. Both of us ran away in the opposite directions. Didn't hear any gunshots, but I woke up a little bit after I fled. Had my cellphone in my hand ready to call 911.

It was strange that someone else was in danger and not me. Usually I'm the one the killer is after. Wonder what the dream analysts would think of that.

Took some positive steps towards getting a handle on my situation. It's not much. But it's something. I'm caught in a Catch-22 situation, but I think that I'm going to do just alright. Really need to settle my permanent address situation, too.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Yep. Just downloaded Plume Creator. It seems neat for my purposes. Really want to try my hand at writing romance. I want to see what type of story I'll create. Will it be a chaste or tawdry? Who knows what I'll unleash.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Well I written an emotionally honest entry about how my well of creativity wasn't actually dry, but blocked from trying to ignore the negative feelings I have. Lost the entry from my laptop mouse falling to the floor and the button closed out the tabs I had open. Damn you gaming mouse!

Oh well. At least it felt good to get off my chest. Now I'm ,kind of, in the writing zone.
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
My home situation is seriously stressing me out. Do something, risk getting other people underserved grief. Do nothing, continue to being a nonfactor in life. I feel caged and on the edge. Instead of converting my anxiety and stress into the fog of depression and clinched teeth, cold type of anger and a strange need to express myself in writing. A messed up source to be motivated by, to be sure, but it's better than doing nothing.

The story in my mind is about coming to terms with yourself, and becoming your own best friend. A young woman in a coma since her late teens awakens a few days before her thirty first birthday. Her friends from college have moved on to their adult lives, her family members have aged and moved apart, and the rise of Netflix. She has to navigate this new world balancing excitement with the dread that increases with every month that passes. Not only that she begins to feel isolated within her own peer group and can't relate to those younger than her. 

Snow in DC

Feb. 16th, 2015 08:34 pm
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
     The snowflakes are smaller than what other places gets, but it's a steady snowfall. Every couple of minutes, I look out of the window part of the front door to see the snowfall against the streetlight. Aesthetically, it's not much. However, the patterns and the way the wind makes it sway and swirl is mesmerizing. We're supposed to get 6 to 8 inches of snow (at least, that's what they said in an updated news report a few hours ago). Not worrying about federal and local government closings or even whether the subway and busses are running on time. That's one good thing about being unemployed.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
So I have an interview for another large retailer. (Most of my working life thus far has been for large retailers.) I should know what to expect, I have my questions lined up, hoping that I can get the morning to afternoon shift. Thank you coffee place that made me realize getting up at 3am is worst than having to wake at 6am especially during the winter months when it's absolutely freezing. Going to tell my interviewer that I can work closings sometimes because I have to rely on public transport now that the car is KO'd. It's essentially a money sink at this moment.

Most of all I'm grateful to God for getting a call back now. These days you're lucky to make it to the interview stage at most retailers. I understand how that can be with almost a hundred people applying for the job. I found that saying the Rosary helps a lot. (Not even Catholic but it comforts me and encourages me to be better.)

Just need to be myself, and not freeze. Gotta love the polar vortex action we got going.

Watching the news and a commercial for said company just popped up. Oh yeah before I forget, I hit 13k words yesterday in Nanowrimo. I think I can write the average amount of words needed to finish on time. Right now I'm stuck on the plot and where to take it, but I'm not going to blow everything in the beginning. After November, I'm going to try to edit it on my own, so I can at least tell people I have actually written a novel. Probably a novel that's not so great with plenty of grammar and weird pacing, but that's how I roll.
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
Being called back to Jesus is like meeting an old friend you haven't seen or kept in touch for a while in a coffee shop. You drink coffee, do a bit of catching up, and you wonder why you haven't kept up with your friend and confidente who proved to be the most trustworthy friend you ever had. At least that's what it feels like to me.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
After completing a job application and consuming many slices of buttered french bread and a little bit of syrup, it's time to see how constructive I can be on the internet. Remembered that I have a bunch of free ebook sites bookmarked. (It's mainly technology and coding books so it's helpful.) Also Nanowrimo is in full swing right now. My novel is on a rocky start since I have a bad habit of going back and editing along the way. Well today I'm just going to let story flow out and think about editing when I'm finished. My main issue is sticking with something. I'm a bit scared of finishing it to tell the truth.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
A bit stressed, but I'm trying to figure out what to do with my desktop computer. Thought about giving it to my sister, but I'm fearful for the device. It might not survive my sister and her son. Ha! However, I know that she will pick it up in an instant. Might as well throw in my Xbox 360 in the mix, too. I'm going to try to hold on to my heavy laptop. My concern is that I don't want it to be stolen from me while I'm sleeping or held up for it. My gameplan for that is to only take it out while I'm at the library and to hit different libraries, so that I don't become known as a regular.

I'm going to look-up bankruptcy and see if it applies in my place. Things are way out of control right now, and I want to get a handle on it. I'm just confused right now and don't know what the proper steps are for my impending homelessness. Terrified about what I've heard about shelters, but if something happens to me, something happens to me. Started praying a lot for guidance, so I'm just open to new suggestions or path I need to go on.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
While I'm going through a crisis in my life at the moment, I'm going to participate in this year's Nanowrimo. Sometime you need something to focus on other than your problems, you know? Anyway today I started on the setting. There is a key feature in this setting that's going to be its main industry other than tourism based on this local anomaly. There I was thinking about this anomaly and a few ideas came to me. Before this idea, the plot was going to be something different entirely. Something self indulgent because I didn't have a clue what to write about. Now I have a setting, a main plot, and an inkling for a couple of minor plots.

Writing is the only time when it's acceptable for me to just let my mind wander and have an adventure. The reason I don't complete a lot of stuff because I tend to go big. Way too big of an idea or theme. Then I become upset when I can't get a plot going to save my life. This November is going to be fun, terrifying, and hectic. It seems like this shouldn't matter that much to me in light of the changes happening in my life, but it feels good to have something else going on.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
You know the phrase, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"? Had a similar moment earlier when I was thinking about my current issues today. Except that I'm sick and tired of being afraid of the future. I'm sick and tired of dread being mixed in with hope. That dread kills the hope that I have in the moment. Got some of my fire back earlier, and I'm retracing my steps in order to find out how to replicate it just in case it goes out again.

Everything is in flux in my life right now. Nothing is certain or settled. Instead of looking for cover until this blows down, I have to take conscious action and trust that I'll find my way. When I was younger, I was afraid of living alone. Afraid of screwing up badly and ending up without anything. As that has happened a couple of times in my life already, it's difficult for me to feel that intense fear anymore. For that I'm grateful.

All that's left for me is to go forward. Don't know what my destination will be, but it is my journey to take.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Okay, so I have 2 weeks to move out. Still stressed out from not finding work. However, I hope something comes through. Hope is a funny emotion to me. There comes a time when hope lasts for a moment. That's when I lean towards pessimism. Sometimes I luck out and find inspiration to keep on trucking through the bad times with an expectation that things might be somewhat better. It's difficult for me to get these emotions right in words. At least I don't have to worry about being thrown out by federal marshals this week. :)

The interview I had earlier this week was rescheduled to this Monday. Even though the pay is still minimum wage, something is better than nothing. The sooner I get started, the sooner I can earn some money towards renting a room or an apartment, if I'm lucky. Just have to make sure to do my best and to not take everything to heart. I'm really sensitive to the moods of others, it's ridiculous. It isn't uncommon for me to feel overwhelmed after talking to a bunch of people (friends and family included). I thought that my type of social fatigue was normal, but apparently it's not. My last job wasn't as bad because I was able to form fun working relationships with my coworkers. I miss the crew. :( Oh well, I'm going to try to be more open and social with my coworkers. It's the only way I can get through these stressful times.

Walked up to the Safeway with my mother for groceries. It was nice to see little kids helping with grocery shopping with their parents. Reminded me when I was little shopping with my mom, and smelling the coffee bean bin. Fond memories when nothing was in doubt and I felt secure. At the moment, I'm so out of sync with my life and purpose. Everything about me seem strange and malformed. As I typed earlier, it's hard to transmit my feelings into words. All I know that writing about it makes me less anxious and pessimistic.

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August 2017

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