Quick Post

Jun. 13th, 2017 01:03 am
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
Been in a rut lately in all aspects of my life. Also feeling a little bit down. For the past couple of weeks, it feels as though everything I do take a lot of mental effort. Pretty sure I read an article that said our heads weigh heavier when we're thinking or have a heavy emotional weight. Need to find it, but that's trippy, if true.

Haven't wrote much of anything either. Bummer. At least I feel better being able to write this entry though. So that's something. With the self-help book, I'm stuck at the part where I write out all my anger about how I was treated a child and not send it. It's silly, but I feel really disloyal if I point the anger outwards instead of inwards.

I've been watching House Hunters for ideas for building houses in the Sims 4. Someday I will have a house better than my Sims.

Bwahaha

May. 31st, 2017 06:59 pm
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
 All of my favorite shows are on hiatus except for a few that have their finales coming up next week and a couple of weeks from now. Now I have no excuse to just sit down and write. Ha!

Still I need to catch up on Doctor Who and watch Class. I've been taking my time with those.

Deep conditioned my hair. My hair is a currently a ball of soft fluff. I love it. Thinking about brownish red highlights to show more curl definition.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
Working on some emotional issues using a book called "Healing Your Emotional Self". Usually self help books and myself are like oil and water, but everything is clicking with me on a deep level. Time to slay the dragon that has been hiding behind a lot of memories that I try to push out.

On a cheerier note, I started watching a British show called "Chewing Gum". I meant to watch one episode and ended up watching two from the first season. Michaela Coel and crew crack me up.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
Had a busy week. More like do chores and catch up on my shows.

Criminal Minds was great this week. My heart isn't sick for one of my babies on the team though they may have one hell of a season finale this year. So glad that they've been renewed for a 13th season.

The Flash finally had the Savitar reveal, and I was vindicated on my guess as to who the villain could be. 

Greenleaf shocked me. Like I wasn't expecting a situation to go down like that. Pure drama.

My Washington Wizards prevailed against the Boston Celtics a couple of nights ago. The series is 2-1 now. I'm just disappointed that Oubre Jr. was ejected and then suspended from the coming up game. He lost his cool, but I'm confident that he has learned his lesson. He's 21 and fired up.

My viewing life is pretty good right now.

PS- The WGA got what I'm wanted and I'm glad.
epiphanyinblue: (kyo&jack)
So humid today! Had to break out the tank top today. AC isn't back online till May 1st, so I just have some days to go.

Just noticed that I lost some weight around my middle. Drinking water, exercise, and eating better is working pretty well right now. This has been my strategy for the past month and a half. I definitely feel better. Too bad my scale is broken. Now I just need to go to bed on time.

Saw the Tax Proposal today. Not a fan of losing individual tax credits. This is all I'm going to say about it.

Just signed up on chess.com to brush up on my chess skills. I remember when I used to spend my free periods before lunch playing chess in my home room. At first I was afraid to play against someone, then there was a sort of camaraderie between all of us. It was a couple of us girls and some guys. It was nice that no one really cared about anything else but playing. Only friendly smack talk, but no one was hurt by it. So great. I think I was more or less at around .500 win record at that time.

I meditated for ten minutes today! New record!
epiphanyinblue: (kyo&jack)
My aunt passed away a few days ago. Going to remember the good days and not some of the bad days. She chose to finish her days in her house. She had a debilitating stroke a few months ago, then had another one a few weeks ago. Sad, but at least she went the way she wanted. Surrounded by family and friends who made her comfortable at home.

---
Starting the day with meditation is the way to go for me. My mind's more clear afterwards. Also mindfulness isn't that difficult to maintain. Good stuff. Yesterday I was off kilter.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
I hate it when I'm trying to watch a show with someone, and all they do is badmouth the show. Most of the time I agree, but it raises my blood pressure. It shouldn't bother me. Really it shouldn't. But it does. What makes it worst is when I am trying to get back on my meditation and not letting other people get me down/annoy me too much. Tells self to breathe.

This is why I try to avoid watching Doctor Who or other shows that bring me joy with that person. The only shows that I can watch in peace with this person are The Leftovers, Fargo, and (oddly enough) Lethal Weapon.

Want to end this on a happy note. I decided to dedicate myself to learning how to read (and someday speak) French. I'm taking baby steps with learning about Web Development from Coursera. Nothing better than a free course and exercises to do. I just want to see if it's something that I may like. My Opendiary was all about that primitive HTML back in the day.  Need to pace myself with Learning How To Learn. It's pretty interesting.

Off to take a shower before bed!

epiphanyinblue: (kanji rant <3)
So I have tummy fat that's being stubborn and my butt is flabby at the moment. For the past couple of weeks, I have become more active. Things like getting on an elliptical and just general exercise that I used to do.

Then a family member saw me eating some cheese and crackers. And ranted to me about how I'm just going to let myself get fat and how increasing my exercise isn't going to work. Which is true. But it wasn't like I was going to eat all of it in five minutes then eat some more. The AC isn't on until May, but it's humid hot. When it's humid hot I just want something light and snacky to eat with water until dinner time.

I didn't say all that, but the little rage bunny inside of myself was getting angry. I never act out or say anything back to retaliate (lost cause). It's just annoying and condescending.

Grrr...
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
The humidity wasn't out to kill me today, which is always a plus. I make it a point to remember the beautiful non-humid days with acceptable levels of pollen wafting about. Because soon it's going to flip to a humid, pollen mess within a week. We have such a short window for ideal weather.

I've been thinking about moving to another state. The DC area is getting too expensive for me, but I don't have the cash, on hand or saved to make a big move. Maybe it's because I'm the only one of my friends and family who haven't moved out of the area for a period of time. Right now my priorities are to save money, pay off my student loans, and move to a more affordable area. Someone told me about Phoenix, and I've been checking that out. Though I know in my heart of hearts that I'm just going to continue in this area.

Talked to Mom today. Just chatted about new movies coming out. Also struggling to understand what movie she was talking about that was coming out soon. It's the Girls Trip movie with Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Regina Hall, and Tiffany Haddish.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
Yesterday/Today was pretty boring.

I polished my nails Bus Stop Crimson by Orly. Did an okay job on it. Not perfect, but the flaws (slight smudging) aren't very noticeable.

No new Criminal Minds tonight. (Boo!) But there were two back to back episodes of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. I'll probably watch those tomorrow evening before Riverdale comes on.

Still mindmapping and doing a little bit of research for the Criminal Minds fanfic.
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
There's a pending birth in my family, so my mom is postponing the shopping trip until later this week or possibly next week. I didn't really mind this, but today was a perfect day to go shopping. The sun was warm and the breeze was cool, but not cold. The grass smelled sweet. Critters, big and small, were up and about. It's supposed to be hotter this week.

My entries finished importing this morning or yesterday night. Thinking about shutting down my LJ for good. Nothing like a little bit of closure.

Oh! Today I realized that all of my foundations are past their expiration except the one I bought on a whim that makes me look like an Oompaloompa. I tried powder tamp it down a notch. That did not work whatsoever.

Watching a Criminal Minds marathon on ION. They are showing season 1 episodes. Everyone look so young. :)

Never wrote out a fanfic in my head, but I'm close to now. Time to open Mindapp and get to mapping.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
Going shopping with my mom tomorrow. I have to get up early, though. 5:30 am is my get up time. Shower tonight. Wash my face / brush my teeth in the morning. Then quickly put on my makeup for the day.

I'm nervous about the results of my Bantu Knot Out tomorrow morning. It was a semi-rush job, and I used Blue Magic Hair Conditioner (grease). It looks shiny while still in the knot, but looks are deceiving.
epiphanyinblue: (Default)
My first online diary was Opendiary. I was introduced to it by a schoolmate back in 2000. I was sixteen at a new school with a cool Librarian who was okay with us blogging during our lunch period. Then when I went off to college, I joined Livejournal because a few of my friends were on the site. I joined a few communities aka lurked in a few communities. Anime was silly and fun.

I didn't really post much into my Livejournal. Not like my Opendiary account. Then a few years ago, Opendiary unexpectedly shutdown. My crazy teen years were gone in a shutdown of a server. Still that experience didn't light a fire under my butt to save and/or export my Livejournal. It didn't have that many entries in it compared to my Opendiary (a bit over 350), but it did document my early to mid twenties well.

Then I saw a post on Gizmodo by chance yesterday. I knew that it was ran by a Russian company, but the servers were stateside. Normally I wouldn't care that much where the servers are stored, but I didn't want to take a chance. The Russian users have more to worry about "political solicitation" than I do.

Right now I have a Tumblr. It's fine for those who want to blog links to articles, pictures, and other media, but it's just not the same. Reading anything longer than a paragraph is unappealing with the current design of the site.

Maybe I'll keep up with this Dreamwidth more than my Tumblr. Only the future knows.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Was really anxious today with no external cause (that I'm aware of yet). CK2 rolled out a free patch to go along with the paid DLC today. It's on my list of DLC that I want to pick up for the game. Next time I have some free cash and there's a steam sale, I'm getting it. So far on my CK2 DLC wishlist is Old Gods, Way of Life, Conclave, and all the portrait packs to make everyone look more painting realistic. Funny how it seemed like there were a million and one DLCs on my list in my mind. It's a compact list compared to what I thought it'd be.

Writing is taking another direction. Long fantasy or a short story mystery? I'll probably make up my mind in the shower.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Mixed bag of emotions today. On the one hand, I was able to draw away my anxiety. Thanks to finding the pen that went with my Bamboo tablet that I picked up a couple of years ago. Found this graphics program (really a sketching program) called Krita. Practicing the front profile for now. (Not in a realistic style, but cartoony.) People mention that it bugs out for them (Krita), but it hasn't done it to me yet. Let's hope I didn't jinx myself. Also started writing a new story today.

On the other hand, my room is a mess. My hair is a mess. Pretty sure that my body is a mess, too. Fuck you wiring in my brain that give me the wrong messages. Either way, tomorrow is going to clean up day.

Now I can watch the new Venture Bros episode in peace.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Came on here to vent about a couple of things when LJ alerted that there was a saved draft. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what I was writing or going to write. This and an mobile journal app is where I talk about my day to day. To my surprise it was about downloading Plume Writer which was sometime in late September or October. I'm going to use it for a short story collection though. Horror and suspense.

Had an anxiety dream yesterday. I was back in high school even though I don't need to be. Very strange. Couldn't remember where any of my lockers were. (Every student is given a two lockers. One that's default and one standard.) Anyway after school, I had three dollars in my pocket. Somehow I knew it wasn't going to be enough to take the subway or bus. That's when I decide to hoof it home. First I get lost in the area from around the school. It's a mixture of where my real life elementary school and high school so the maps of both real places overlapped. I was so disoriented until I saw someone and was chatting with him. Want to say it was the actor who plays Tyrell Wellick on Mr. Robot. He didn't get what I was trying to tell him, but we saw someone further down the street who pulled out a gun. Both of us ran away in the opposite directions. Didn't hear any gunshots, but I woke up a little bit after I fled. Had my cellphone in my hand ready to call 911.

It was strange that someone else was in danger and not me. Usually I'm the one the killer is after. Wonder what the dream analysts would think of that.

Took some positive steps towards getting a handle on my situation. It's not much. But it's something. I'm caught in a Catch-22 situation, but I think that I'm going to do just alright. Really need to settle my permanent address situation, too.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Well I written an emotionally honest entry about how my well of creativity wasn't actually dry, but blocked from trying to ignore the negative feelings I have. Lost the entry from my laptop mouse falling to the floor and the button closed out the tabs I had open. Damn you gaming mouse!

Oh well. At least it felt good to get off my chest. Now I'm ,kind of, in the writing zone.
epiphanyinblue: (yosuke)
My home situation is seriously stressing me out. Do something, risk getting other people underserved grief. Do nothing, continue to being a nonfactor in life. I feel caged and on the edge. Instead of converting my anxiety and stress into the fog of depression and clinched teeth, cold type of anger and a strange need to express myself in writing. A messed up source to be motivated by, to be sure, but it's better than doing nothing.

The story in my mind is about coming to terms with yourself, and becoming your own best friend. A young woman in a coma since her late teens awakens a few days before her thirty first birthday. Her friends from college have moved on to their adult lives, her family members have aged and moved apart, and the rise of Netflix. She has to navigate this new world balancing excitement with the dread that increases with every month that passes. Not only that she begins to feel isolated within her own peer group and can't relate to those younger than her. 
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
So I have an interview for another large retailer. (Most of my working life thus far has been for large retailers.) I should know what to expect, I have my questions lined up, hoping that I can get the morning to afternoon shift. Thank you coffee place that made me realize getting up at 3am is worst than having to wake at 6am especially during the winter months when it's absolutely freezing. Going to tell my interviewer that I can work closings sometimes because I have to rely on public transport now that the car is KO'd. It's essentially a money sink at this moment.

Most of all I'm grateful to God for getting a call back now. These days you're lucky to make it to the interview stage at most retailers. I understand how that can be with almost a hundred people applying for the job. I found that saying the Rosary helps a lot. (Not even Catholic but it comforts me and encourages me to be better.)

Just need to be myself, and not freeze. Gotta love the polar vortex action we got going.

Watching the news and a commercial for said company just popped up. Oh yeah before I forget, I hit 13k words yesterday in Nanowrimo. I think I can write the average amount of words needed to finish on time. Right now I'm stuck on the plot and where to take it, but I'm not going to blow everything in the beginning. After November, I'm going to try to edit it on my own, so I can at least tell people I have actually written a novel. Probably a novel that's not so great with plenty of grammar and weird pacing, but that's how I roll.
epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
After completing a job application and consuming many slices of buttered french bread and a little bit of syrup, it's time to see how constructive I can be on the internet. Remembered that I have a bunch of free ebook sites bookmarked. (It's mainly technology and coding books so it's helpful.) Also Nanowrimo is in full swing right now. My novel is on a rocky start since I have a bad habit of going back and editing along the way. Well today I'm just going to let story flow out and think about editing when I'm finished. My main issue is sticking with something. I'm a bit scared of finishing it to tell the truth.

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