epiphanyinblue: (teddie fo'sho!)
Okay, so I have 2 weeks to move out. Still stressed out from not finding work. However, I hope something comes through. Hope is a funny emotion to me. There comes a time when hope lasts for a moment. That's when I lean towards pessimism. Sometimes I luck out and find inspiration to keep on trucking through the bad times with an expectation that things might be somewhat better. It's difficult for me to get these emotions right in words. At least I don't have to worry about being thrown out by federal marshals this week. :)

The interview I had earlier this week was rescheduled to this Monday. Even though the pay is still minimum wage, something is better than nothing. The sooner I get started, the sooner I can earn some money towards renting a room or an apartment, if I'm lucky. Just have to make sure to do my best and to not take everything to heart. I'm really sensitive to the moods of others, it's ridiculous. It isn't uncommon for me to feel overwhelmed after talking to a bunch of people (friends and family included). I thought that my type of social fatigue was normal, but apparently it's not. My last job wasn't as bad because I was able to form fun working relationships with my coworkers. I miss the crew. :( Oh well, I'm going to try to be more open and social with my coworkers. It's the only way I can get through these stressful times.

Walked up to the Safeway with my mother for groceries. It was nice to see little kids helping with grocery shopping with their parents. Reminded me when I was little shopping with my mom, and smelling the coffee bean bin. Fond memories when nothing was in doubt and I felt secure. At the moment, I'm so out of sync with my life and purpose. Everything about me seem strange and malformed. As I typed earlier, it's hard to transmit my feelings into words. All I know that writing about it makes me less anxious and pessimistic.

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epiphanyinblue

August 2017

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